Home > ATROCIOUS SLAVE LABOR AT XMAS
Un/Employment USA Peter Fredson
SLAVE LABOR FOR XMAS
By Peter Fredson
December 17, 2006
We speak of the slave-type labor performed for Neocon corporations in Latin America or China, but has anyone thought of the slave-type labor performed by Santa’s Elves?
This is the time of year when we should ask such questions for humanitarian reasons. Evidently they work 18 hours a day, all year. Do they get any vacations? Paid? Sick Leave? Pensions? Health Care? Do they have any ombudsman, lawyers? Where can they go to adjust grievances?
Those poor elves must have many complaints but no one ever talks about them.
What would an elf complain about?
For instance:
Must we listen to Christmas Carols all year long?
We’re tired of making Barbie Dolls, can’t we make some Paris Hilton action dolls?
Besides the Head Elf, we never get any promotions.
Listening to those damned chimes makes our ears hurt.
We hear Santa is going to outsource our jobs to Mexicans.
Santa never lets us have any eggnog.
Those damned reindeer keep pissing on our floor.
Who gets all the cookies and milk? Not us!
Did anyone hear any other complaints?
Forum posts
19 December 2006, 15:49
I found this list on my xmas files to flesh out the blog.
FROM THE WORLD WIDE WEB
List of December 12, 1996 ____________________________________________________
"Greetings, Net Wanderer, behold our humble list for December
12, 1996."
Top 118 Elf Gripes
1 The fat guy farts when he’s angry. - icky poo!
2 Those @*%# polar spiders. - pinky
3 If I have to make one more friggin Tickle Me Elmo doll. - Aimer
4 having to listen to Kathy Lee’s Christmas album over and over and over - Shortstuff
5 Pointed Hat Hair - Knarley Charley
6 Lack of career choices - Name
7 All the damned bells... the bells! THE BELLS! - (And the voices in my head are telling me to kill you...)
8 Losing our jobs to Chinese prison labor - marduk
9 Always have to work Christmas - Elf Local 456
10 I always get carded. - sigh
11 Santa wants us to make Tickle Me Elmo dolls that do the Macarena - Ol’ geezer been drinking too much eggnog
12 Reindeer have better health insurance. - deductable
14 Have to carry Mrs. Claus to bed after she’s gotten into the egg nog. - And she’s no feather either!
15 Kathie Lee stops by but conditions don’t change. - Sweatin’ to the Oldies Shop
16 That Perot guy giving us a bad rep - ECLU
17 Keep on getting told "Live Long and Prosper" because old clichés never die.
18. Rudolph is getting conceited now that he has his own show.
20 dangerous work conditions (with the fire and all) - PUT IT OUT GOD DAMMIT
21 Making less than the children in Kathie Lee’s sweat shop.. - Captain Ryan
22 Reindeer stable duty - DK
25 Do you know how hard it is to connect to a server up here?
27 The Tickle Me Elmo Dolls are getting an attitude... - Odin
28 Santa keeps sitting on us... - Odin
29 Santa still doesn’t pay benefits - dave
30 Having to watch Santa’s little smirk when you ask him 0to get something off a high shelf for you. - DK
31 Orcs - GJD
32 Babes don’t go for short guys with pointy ears - Demonspawn
33 Being laughed at by Leprechauns! - Legend
34 Never getting any mail addressed to us. - space
35 That @#$^@#$% hobbit and those @%^@#$% dwarves in our
36 Lorena Bobbitt wind-up dolls are too life-like - I got cut
37 I got your Merry Friggin Christmas right here! - Grumpy Elf
38 Budget Cuts - Odin
40 Life size Barbie is not anatomically correct - TISFURI
41 People who think that the perfect gift for elves is a copy of "Little Women." - Bart
42 mrs.clause leaving bathrobe open. - tampa don
43 Who said frilly green is good camouflage? - Commander Despondent
44 the bells on the shoes make it damn hard to play hide and seek. - olly-olly-ox-and-free
46 We have to make the list and check it twice because Santa is drunk all year long. - M. Y. Opic
47 exactly the wrong height when santa lets loose with an eggnog fart - dogvomit
48 damn hollow tree is drafty - keebler
49 Funny nicknames like "Big Guy" and "Lurch" funny for only one day - Kassper
50 One word: NAFTA - dave
52 The !@##%* sleigh is in the shop 364 days a year, no joke
53 Always have to order off the children’s menu - Billy Barty
55 Fantasy writers who portray us as effete tree-hugging environmentalists
56 These tights are very constricting - how would you like it???
57 Santa’s a freaking psycho. - Disgruntled reindeer
60 Santa coming by to "tuck us in" every night - class action
61 Having to read Madonna’s wish list! - The Reindeer like her
62 Santa has us make all these kinky toys for him and Mrs Claus - yecch
63 christmas all year round can make an elf crazy - fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la fa la la la
64 Trying to get size 30x18 slacks at Macy’s.... - Ho HoHo
65 Can’t see above the sleigh windshield....... - Swiss Miss 2000
66 WE’RE FAKE - Odin
67 Santa’s workshop is really Santa’s SWEATSHOP, and the fat robber baron has a monopoly, for Christs Sake!!! - Politically Correct
Racist
68 Forgetting airholes in certain packages. "I SAID I was suffocating!ö
69 These stupid elf jokes. But we’ll see who has the last laugh when you open up nothing but socks and underwear Christmas Day! - DK
71 Van Halen tour didn’t come to North Pole - CTI (Family
72 J.R.R. Tolkien stereotype. - If I had a bow, I’d shoot ya.
74 The only view they get of Santa includes his nose hairs - PEC
75 Could be worse— could bew working for clinton - Problem Child
76 santa never lets us go to the annual dance with fairies - just gotta dance
77 Santa, Smanta, we do all the work, he gets all the credit
78 Getting high, from all the noxious paint and plastic fumes
79 Stinky dental and medical plan. - bloody cheapskate santa
80 The shortness really puts a stop to our love life!! -Granade
81 Always having run-ins with those crack head dwarfs - Snow White
83 cleaning up after the reindeer - yuck
84 Have to share the "doggie door" with a St. Bernard - www.topfive.com
85 Polar icecaps melting due to global warming. - Stop the greenhouse effect. Use nuclear power.
86 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
87 Only 1 female (Mrs. Claus) and Santa is only gone 1 day a year. - Last of the line
88 Santa keeps drinking all the tequila - Walter Helozis
89 They want to be known as verticly chalanged, not Elfs- kruste
90 All the friggin figgy pudding - Hey! Who took all the eggnog?
91 Enough of this snow and cold, sandy beaches and rum punch
92 no vcr to watch elf porn! - Knarley Charley
93 These pointy little shoes hurt my tiny little feet! -Next time I’m gettin’ a Stetson Hat & Nocona Boots
94 Japan gets all the credit for the cool toys and electronics we make - made in North Pole?
95 I do everything around here, why does he get to deliver?
96 Being the punt receiver. - Oooooff!
97 Our names never really go on the toys we manufacture. Ever noticed that? - DK
98 Green is starting to get PRETTY BORING!!! Maybe we could try something new, like tie-dye??? - "MAD" Matt...6’ tall, psychedelic elf.
99 Those silly pointy shoes with the bells - Crash
100 I just don’t feel jolly anymore. - pessimist
101 Having to wear these stupid jumpsuits while Colonel Pa
102 Why do I have to go to Luke Fila’s house - Someone in the Czech Republic
104 Santa is always calling for prostitutes HO_HO_HO!! - kermitose
106 always being mistaken for short vucans - we are not spies.
107 Riding in crowded elevators! - Yeah, lady, that was my nose you backed into . . .
108 being mistaken for an action figure – I’m not a present!
109 Watching Santa Clause Change his clothes makes me lose my Appetite - Kurt
110 Terrible TV and radio reception at North Pole - CTI
111 "Little people" is not politically correct in our case
112 We always get shock freezed until next Christmas - saves Santa lots of money
114 Elves, Elves, Elves........ - Great big fellow wasn’t
115 Being only 3’ tall obviously!!!! - Legend
118 Don’t get Howard Stern @ North Pole - vag