BUSH INC. SELLING COW COOKIES CHEAP

BUSH SELLING COW COOKIES

By Peter Fredson

April 11, 2006

George W. Bush Company, Inc. has an oversupply of Cow Cookies, Buffalo Chips, Clumps of Dump, Anal Cheese, Blurtch, and Spineless Brownfish that it would like to sell to the public as their substitute for Unvarnished Truth.

And, though many of our textile mills have been outsourced and they no longer spin thread into yarn, the Bush administration is working overtime spinning yarn into ersatz truthiness.

Their supply of prevarication, misrepresentation, distortion, deception, tricks, sham, fraud, cheats, ruses, falsehood, and deceit as raw material for their product seems endless.

The employees also seem tireless in promoting their shoddy inferior product and will undoubtedly continue for several more years unless public opinion forces them out of business sooner.

Some of their public has realized the lack of value and would prefer to take their consumer needs elsewhere. Others continue to trust the magical panacea quality of Bush Company, and seem to prefer shoddy merchandise, inferior service, and smiling swaggering clerks that offer no guarantees, to older established merchants that seem staid but antiquated.

But, as the man said when he kissed the cow: “There’s no accounting for taste.”

The head of the company just took a leak, in public. Although many suspected this was a regular practice, some still refuse to believe that public urination is possible for such an upright, honest, forthright and godly person.

Some insist that he has a right to take a leak anyplace he wishes, right on the Constitution if he wishes, because he is the Master of Leaks. In fact, his attorney insists that his employer may leak at any time, in any place, as long as it is in the public interest. Urination may, in fact, be good for growing grass and for trees around the place.

The issue is whether Bush used his position as C.E.O. to leak for personal political urgency, or to benefit the public interest. It probably was contrary to the public interest, as the material "leaked" was stinky at best, and was knowingly leaked on the foot of Joe Q. Public, whom Bush then told that it was raining sunshine.

The C.E.O. originally stated that he really wanted to know who took a leak. In fact, he stated publicly several times that he wanted to know the truth about who dared to leak in public places.

But recently he took a look in his bathroom mirror and realized that it was he who was the Leaker-in-Chief.

So now he must try to sell his stinky moist product to the public.

Failing in that, he must resort to ebullient performance. He must strut, smile, smirk, swagger, stare intently, gesticulate frantically, pat little kids on the head, mention 9/11 about a thousand times, make about 30 more speeches, cut down two more truckloads of brush, to keep his remaining True Believers from realizing his incompetence and failure as a Chief Executive of a company selling only doo-doo wrapped in shiny tinfoil.

Perhaps by showing cute personality tricks, charm, mood-enhancing drugs, Bush might get many consumers to swallow his product in the belief that crap is good for the digestion.