YARD SALE TREASURES

Yard Sale Treasure

By Peter Fredson, Esq.

August 31, 2007

To relieve the stress and strain of retirement, I have taken up several hobbies. One was blogging. The other is attending yard sales. This is a very rewarding hobby for old farts. I highly recommend it to all retired people as cathartic and entertaining. You can see all the precious stuff people collected and saved in their attics and basements, and wonder at their idea of “taste.”

Most people really HATE to part with their precious objects. Some are very valuable family heirlooms, but people say they simply had to get rid of SOMETHING, or their house would be too crowded. So I am the happy beneficiary of their crowded homes. Just look at some of the real TREASURES that I bought around town.....VERY cheap!

(Note: I had taken clear pictures of all of my treasures and intended to include them here, but I didn’t know how to put them into this squib.)

PICTURE: This is a Stuffed Goose. The owner proudly told me that this goose was the inspiration for MOTHER GOOSE and GOOSEY GOOSEY GANDER. But his wife needed the room to put up a bridge table, so he reluctantly sold it to me for only $2.50....a veritable bargain.

PICTURE: This is not an ORDINARY sandwich. This one, ham and cheese, was made during the campaign of Bill Clinton for president when he went in a bus around the country. The maker of this sandwich made it especially for Bill Clinton. Unfortunately Bill could not stop in that town, but at any rate this is the original BILL CLINTON SANDWICH that he would have gotten. Still in Saran Wrap for only $2.50.

PICTURE: You might think this is an ordinary apple...but no. The owner lived next to the garage where the APPLE COMPUTER was invented and he got it from the original apple tree, after which the computer was invented. Real historical significance for only $3.75....dipped in wax to preserve it.

PICTURE: This is not an ordinary carrot. The owner got it in Russia from Premier Khrushchev, who menaced the United States with a story about "The Carrot and the Stick"....Well, this is the original carrot! The owner parted with it for only $2.97

PICTURE: These are not ordinary cherries. No! The owner lived next to the song writer, who wrote the song "LIFE IS JUST A BOWL OF CHERRIES". The song writer gave these very cherries to the nice guy holding the yard sale, and he sold them to me for only 50 Cents each.

PICTURE: You surely remember that Linus Pauling did research on Vitamin C and found it protected people against winter colds and flues? Well, this is one of the empty bottles, found in Linus Pauling’s garbage can, rescued by the articulate guy I bought it from for only $5.60. Real scientific history there!

PICTURE: You remember that Benjamin Franklin invented the Postal Service? Well, he got his neighbor, Frank Crutchety, to put up a mail box for the mail, and this is an exact replica picture of that box with Mrs. Franklin depositing a letter in it. It belonged to Mabel Shork, who willed it to her daughter Crinolina, who sold it to me for only $6.35 and nearly wept when she sold it to me.

PICTURE: This football was once thrown by Fran Tarkington during a game during the winter of 1982. Jim Purkell took this football to the game and asked Fran to autograph it. But Fran was in a bad mood and threw it out in the parking lot, where Jim recovered it. But he assured me that Fran actually threw this. What a souvenir! $8.34, perfect condition.

PICTURE: This book was originally bought in Paris and brought to the U.S where it was smuggled past the censors. It is titled "FANNY HILL". I thought it was about a famous school girl, so I got the book cheap ($4.50) and I occasionally read where the past owner put dog-ears on the pages. Surprising stuff !

PICTURE: I went to another sale with the guy who had the original apple after which a computer was named. Turns out he collects famous apples. This one is from the tree that bore the very apple that fell on Sir Isaac Newton’s head, and made him discover gravity, or something. So I just had to buy it. Only $2.98.

PICTURE: This is the very felt hat or fedora or something, worn by the famous actor, George Raft, in two of his famous gangster pictures. The owner was an extra in the pictures, and Mr. Raft gave him the hat, which he had kept in a box for 45 years, until his wife made him sell it. I got it for only $15.98, because a dog had chewed on it.

PICTURE: These are the very scissors used by the censors on the TV shows to cut out words like "Damn", "Hell", and such like. They were used on the Smothers Brothers show, and were used by a judge on the Lennie Bruce case. They are really very nice scissors. And I got them for a bargain at only $2.22.

PICTURE: You have heard of the expression "He had a screw loose?" Well, this is the original screw that got loose. The owner, a Hindu philosopher, got it from Indira Ghandi, who got it from a Mr. Ghandi, who got it from Winston Churchill. Lots of famous people there. And I got it for only $32.00.

PICTURE: This was the original cash register used by the Internal Revenue Service in Poughkeepsie, in 1836. It served for nearly 100 years. It was stored in a warehouse until recently where the buyer got it, but his wife wouldn’t let him keep it, so he sold it to me for $15.00. Nice piece of ancient economic technology

PICTURE: This little angel was once atop a Xmas tree owned by Zza Zza Gabor, sometime in 1980. There were some famous people there at the Xmas party but the guy who sold it to me forgot who they were, he thought maybe W.C. Fields but I rather doubt it. Anyway, I had to have it, so I got it for only 55 cents. Imagine!

PICTURE: These sunglasses were once used by Marilyn Monroe. The guy who owned them sat next to her on a beach, and accidentally put them in his pocket. He said she was really nice looking and talked just like plain folks. So I bought the glasses for $4.00 and will put them next to my pinup of Marilyn (with her skirt blowing up in the air).

PICTURE: The guy who sold these suspenders said they belonged to Dwight D. Eisenhower, who used them before the Normandy Invasion for mock combat exercises He said he was a corporal, who swept out Eisenhower’s bedroom, and in the rush of the invasion Eisenhower left them behind on his bedroom nightstand... So now they are MINE...for only $10.32

PICTURE: The guy who sold this to me belonged to a Yacht Club, someplace I didn’t quite catch. I liked the rope frame around the sign and the fact this sign blew down during Hurricane Hugo, or Andrew, and hit Ronald Reagan’s car (although he wasn’t actually IN it.) So it shows the force of hurricane. $3.00.

PICTURE: This may look like an old army boot, but the nice-looking old lady who sold it to me for only $15.00 said it had belonged to Nancy Sinatra and was the inspiration for the song, ‘ THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR WALKING...’
So, of course, I had to buy the boot.

If you are the recipient of unintended largesse, or of the ignorance of owners of valuable objects, please let me know what valuable previously owned treasure has come your way.

Thanks for watching! Now, I’ve gotta run to an auction. Something that Elvis owned or touched. Also, a potato chip that looks like Barbara Bush. Great stuff!