WHO BLEW IT?

WHO BLEW IT?

For Amusement Purposes Only

Compiled by Peter Fredson

September 14, 2005

Today I watched a bog entitled: “Who Blew It?” It was in reference to the Katrina hurricane, trying to impartially assess blame for incompetence and inattention to various persons and governmental organizations. It jogged a memory of about 10 years ago to the “big blow” of the time.

There was a dalliance between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski which caused arteries to pop in Republican foreheads, inciting urgent appeals for impeachment, or castration. The excitement caused the disbursement of millions of tax-payer dollars to get at the bottom or the top, with all the fascinating lascivious details of sin beyond comprehension of Bible-toting Senators who had never read the Kama Sutra or Tropic of Cancer

. Special Attorneys were appointed who searched files, garbage cans, phone records, and data banks to elucidate the depths and lengths of the problem. No question of sexual nature was overlooked. Special Sessions of Congress attempted to prove that any lying by a President must be followed by dismissal or impeachment. It is notable that this moral fervor and outrage disappeared with the advent of the Bush administration.

A few senators who presented long harangues about the morality of fellatio and lying are still around, still resentful of the scandal of 10 years ago, but also seem to have completely neglected to follow-up on Presidential lies of today.

At any rate, I went to my files to see the ramifications of “blow over.” The transmutations and modifications of the phrase are tributes to the ingenuity of wordsmiths. Here are some adaptations and characterizations of that time.

– Do you know why Lewinsky went to a friend with her story? It was too hard to swallow alone.

– Do you know why there is no proof? She swallowed the evidence.

– What was Bill’s rationalization that oral sex is not a sexual encounter? Because Monica did not swallow!

– How did Bill reply regarding questions of “coaching" Monica’s testimony? "It wasn’t words that I put in her mouth".

– What was the White House Chief of Staff’s reaction to the Lewinsky story?

– Now I know why the President kept calling Monica the "head" intern!

Q: What does Jennifer Flowers do when she misses Bill Clinton?
A: Eats a banana

– Seems today Bill finally admitted that he had sex with Jennifer Flowers a couple of times. . . but he didn’t come.

– What’s Hillary’s new nickname for Bill’s penis?
"The Titanic" - because over 1500 interns went down on it.

– Mc Donald’s announced a new promotion today, a burger named in honor of our President, Bill Clinton, the Mc Clinton You buy it and watch someone else eat it.

– Did you know that Hillary Clinton just wrote a new book?
It’s titled, "It Takes a Village to Satisfy My Husband"

– Did you hear? Gore is only one orgasm away from the presidency.

– Q: What were Clinton’s fist words to Paula Jones at the deposition?
A: "So now you open your mouth!"

– The reason First Lady wears the pants in the house is because
the President can never keep his on!

– In a Washington Post Poll, three thousand, five-hundred women were asked the question "Given the chance, would you sleep with Bill Clinton?" A full 70% responded "never again!"

– Q: What is Bill’s definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.

– Monica was called The Whistle-Blower

– “The reason it’s always so difficult for this President to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it’s usually three different stories.” —Sam Donaldson

– “I thought the whole thing would just blow over.”

– In the aftermath of the initial administration responses to the breaking story, it seems apparent that Mr. Clinton has left a bad taste in Lewinsky’s mouth.

– Bill Clinton today held a press conference and announced an initiative to have Congress declare the National Bird as the Spread Eagle.

– A growing majority are finding the president’s story hard to swallow, noting that it appears quite evident that Monica was influenced by some sort of presidential "gag order."

= The First Lady, recognized steward of the president’s power base, is reported to be afraid that Lewinsky has blown everything.

– Ms Lewinsky approached the president with a stiff upper lip time, and is quite upset at how much damage her wagging tongue seems to have done.

– "...this oral sex thing really has her choked up, you know."

– Ms Lewinsky will be required to give a complete blow-by-blow description of her relationship with Mr. Clinton.

– Hillary, when asked for her opinion of the woman who stands to dethrone her husband, simply replied "she sucks!"

– The reason Monica went to Washington in the first place was to secure a position on Clinton’s staff!

– "Monica wanted to find out why I was known as the HEAD of State"

= "I tried to show Monica the difference between playing the sax & the flute"

- "This intern stopped by to say hello...all I did was ask her to give me a hand"

– The President lets Monica ride on "Air Force One", if you know what I mean.

– “Hillary knows the White House like Monica knows the back of the President’s head.”

– If Clinton is forced out will they say, "He was blown out of office?"

– We have it on good authority that Independent Counsel is preparing an indictment charging the POTUS as a "Unabanger"

– There is an unconfirmed report from Washington DC that about one month ago a well-known psychic predicted that Monica Lewinsky would "go down" in history.

= Someone asked Clinton if he was heading to Arkansas after this is over. He replied that he intended to stay in D.C., and poke around for awhile.

– Don’t feel sorry for Monica. She’ll be back on her knees in no time!

– Q: Who did Hillary Clinton nominate to replace Monica Lewinsky as intern?
A: Lorena Bobbitt

– From the Late Show with David Letterman
THE DIRTIEST-SOUNDING JOBS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
10. Polishing the Presidential podium.
9.Unwrapping the Big Mac.
8. Taking Buddy for a walk.
7. Handling the hotline.
6. Vacuuming under the Oval Office desk.
5. Waxing Air Force One.
4. Shaking hands with the French ambassador.
3. Giving the President an oral briefing.
2. Taking dictation.
1. Polling

Ah, Good Times! We miss those days, when the meaning of “is” was discussed at length, and the shape and size of Presidential timber was of national concern and lying only put a couple of people in hot water, but not in cold muddy flood waters. As the refrain said:

Clinton Lied, Monica Cried,
Bush Lied, People Died.