Pimping Palin

Pimping Palin
By Peter Fredson
October 9, 2008

When worried about dropping polls how do you create a powerful distraction? Well, basically, you resort to the oldest trick in the book of humanity. You use sex. After all, billions are spent on merchandising cigarettes, cars, boats, anything... by posing a pretty model next to the goods for sale.

Thus McCain has gambled, in his unpredictable way, that sex will sell his spoiled ideology. To make people forget about losing homes, bankruptcy, failing mortgages, medicare, the rising prices of everything, you introduce a pretty female who can wink, wiggle, jiggle, giggle, and use cutsey sayings like "Gosh" or "Doggone it."

Most heterosexual males will stop whatever they are doing to look at shiny legs, moistened lips, whitened teeth, booming bust, come-hither looks accompanied by smiles and wiles. Adam may have been beguiled but Eve certainly was all decked out with whatever males seek.

This is old old stuff, the dream of both old and young codgers who go into mental orgasms when a female goes undulating past them. Winks, smiles and nods are promises of future delights, even though nothing actually occurs.

Sarah Palin is a composite of Marge Gunderson of Fargo, and Samantha of Bewitched, except that recently she has turned into Endora...the waspish witch. The witchcraft is the same, even if Sarah has undergone the laying-on of hands by a witch-doctor to rid her of witchcraft.

McCain, being an old tailhook hand, knows the basic human urges and exploits them to the maximum. His gamble, that economics can be set aside by an undulating female, has been risky but enough people have been swayed by his pimping of Palin to make him win by whatever end she turns up. By golly!

It is very revealing as to the motives of an erratic and grouchy old codger that wants to sell sex instead of talking issues

McCain passed over all the candidates in the Primary Debates in favor of Sarah Palin. This grandstanding gamble shows him as erratic and frenzied because of the remarkable slide of U.S. economics, leaving him gasping for air by using unworkable slime tactics. He had to DO something, anything, to distract possible voters from his personal role in economic disaster.

This we can understand. He took the Tom Smothers gambit: When in deep chocolate, holler “Fire.” When in deep doo-doo, shout “beauty queen” There are few heterosexual males that will not stop to look at a pretty ankle or jiggling rump. That “distraction” will work better than farting or pronouncing “nuucular”

Why do you think the porn industry is thriving? Rumps, tits, lipsticked lips, wiggles and jiggles, cute smiles, and winks, still make the world go ga-ga for most males. You can sell cars, cigarettes, alcohol and a host of other merchandise with lightly-clad models…millions of dollars are spent betting that wiggles and jiggles will sell almost anything.

Sexual attractiveness does not need to bolster political ideology. But it certainly can help to peak interest. McCain can no longer parade around in a swimsuit to arouse female interest, but his surrogate is a good substitute.

Let us hope that his personal interest in his surrogates attractiveness will not lead to nooners, or playful rump-touches, or to jealousy from a multi-millionareness wife. After all he did leave one woman for another that was more attractive and he is a creature of habit.

So it is logical that he choose a person to arouse sexual interest in his waning campaign. He picked a beauty queen who doesn’t mind lying, even if she covers up her ignorance like some other beauty queens have done with cutsey words and folksy winks and wiggles.

Yes, she is a good MILF and I’m sure all other females will forgive her distracting their boy-friends and husbands. And we may even forgive McCain for pimping her upon the public in order to win an election. After all, a wiggle and jiggle is as good as a wink and a nod.

Of course, eventually sexual attraction can turn to thoughts of bitchyness, deceptive wiles, babbling discourse, unreasonable demands and other negative aspects.

Let’s see how long it takes before people realize that McCain’s bitch has unacceptable flaws. Unless you want your President to be a pimp.