Home > RadUp - Monfantos New Weed/Corn Symbiotic Product (In Cooperation with Fukushima

RadUp - Monfantos New Weed/Corn Symbiotic Product (In Cooperation with Fukushima

by Timbre Wolf - Open-Publishing - Saturday 19 May 2012
2 comments

Monfonto announced today it’s RADical new weed killer RadUp. Monfanto has partnered with Japanese officials to export the previously (perceived) unusable byproduct of the waves from hell that destroyed (NOT "crippled"), not one, not two, but SIX nuclear power reactors, as well as severely damaging eight others, in Fukushima prefecture. 

Although the US Navy turned tail and ran from Japan, in the aftermath of the worst nuclear "power" disaster EVER (sorry Chernobyl, not just SINCE you - EVER), Monfanto spokesman Poqui LePig said, "The US military is not known for it’s entrepreneurial spirit. We at Monfonto, on the other hand, won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. We can’t wait to get our hands on this stuff! Weed-B-Gone ain’t got NUTHIN on this sh*t!"

Although Monfanto scientists have yet to find a plant gene code that is resistant to radiation they believe that they will. Scientist Bill "Mad" Terrer, one of Monfantos senior genetic researchers, said, "Hell, weeds beat RoundUp. Surely we will find a gene that can beat radiation."

Investors were skeptical. "Even though we, as a rule, deny science when it comes to things like climate change, evolution, and oils spills THIS is different. No living thing has EVER survived an ample dose of radiation. As investors we have to KNOW that Monfanto ’scientists’ can create a genetically-horrified-organism (GHO), RAD-beating corn stalk."

Monfanto stock (MF) is in flux on the news of their purchase of Japan’s radioactive byproducts. But, as Monfanto CFO Dave P. Pincher noted, "We got this stuff for pennies on the dollar! Even if our scientists take years to find the magic gene it won’t matter. Cesium, and the other 1,945 radioactive isotopes, can last for years and years and years and years and years. Investors should have a little more faith. And farmers can be happy because radiation is forever! After a few years they won’t even have to apply RadUp to their fields anymore. Farms of the future will be a wasteland of corn!"

Resident Obomber praised Monfanto for, "their commitment to green solutions for our children’s stillbor . . . uh, children."

DOW Ticker: MF trading at 0.73¢

(For those of you looking for the word . . . it’s "Satire" y’all)

Forum posts

  • Yes it’s satire but unfortunately it’s too close to the truth to not think about.

    • You’re right, of course! Many people are deathly allergic to Mon*antos Ro*ndUp. Couple this with their work on the "Trojan" (suicide) gene -which is basically a recipe for worldwide plant extinction. Makes ya wonder why Gates and others have put a seed bank together under Greenland. What are they saving seed for?