Enema of the State

The United States of America, once the home of the brave and the land of the free, where money, ideas and people flowed freely and without obstruction has become a constipated mess more resembling a third world nation than the world’s economic powerhouse.

Thus, the USA is in need of the time-honored method of removing rotting detritus and partially-digested flotsam from deep within its bowels. America needs a hose shoved up its butt and a high pressure hot water stream imposed to dislodge the nasty elements that are making us sick. America is in dire need of an enema.

Here’s who and what needs to be enemized:

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice: These are the last remnants of the neocon cabal that thrust us into war in Iraq by lying about "weapons of mass destruction" in the hands of the evil Saddam Hussein. Not only did Saddam not have any weapons, but he was lying about having them. Liars lying to and about liars. How quaint and mediocre.

The neocon administration has already been purged of major players such as Paul Wolfowitz, Donald Rumsfeld and Alberto Gonzalez. It’s high time to jettison the rest of the group that also gave us the relief disaster of New Orleans, warrantless wiretapping and the rise of private mercenary armies such as Blackwater. Jettison this waste product by whatever means available. Impeachment would suffice, though trial for treason and hanging would be preferable, while exile to Dubai might provide a compromise solution.

The United States Congress: Another rather large group of individuals who have contributed greatly to the decline of the nation. The last three seated congresses have brought the American populace nothing but grief in the form of such legislation as the Patriot Act, the bankruptcy bill, windfall profits for energy companies in their latest energy bills, and a string of deficit budgets that have not only made us the laughing stock of the world, but also made us the largest debtor nation in the history of the planet. We’ve been mortgaged to Europe, China, Japan, and a host of Middle East countries that supposedly hate us.

Not only have the House and Senate - Democrats and Republicans alike - destroyed our economy and trampled all over the Constitution in ways so varied and diverse that this article would run on for pages trying to dissect it all, but they have routinely appropriated more and more funds for the phony War on Terror, Homeland Security and countless other pork barrel projects all designed to do nothing more than get themselves re-elected. They all need to be flushed out of the system via a massive "no confidence" vote this November if not sooner.

* I would personally allow the House and Senate to be run by three individuals: Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul in the House and independent Bernie Sanders of Vermont in the Senate. They seem to be the only honest and forthright ones in the whole bunch.

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson: This pair of morons are currently tasked with guiding the nation through the troubled waters of an upcoming recession. What’s interesting to note is that the economy has been hemorrhaging badly at the expense of the dollar in relation to other currencies, yet these nitwits consider lowering interest rates and cheap credit a way out of the morass that was caused by - you guessed it - low interest rates and cheap credit. Their plan is tantamount to treating sunburn with additional visits to the tanning booth.

They are nothing more than deceitful liars and bureaucratic yes-men, constantly calling the economy robust and growing when they know it is teetering on the brink of disaster. They know less about solving economic problems than Britney Spears does about raising children. For them, a just punishment, once dislodged from the gut of American policy, is rooted in a future in which they are proven to be more of the problem rather than the solution.

Mainstream Media and Right Wing Radio: Included in this grouping are the network television giants - ABNBCBFOXS - and their associated cable outlets and affiliates which have used the public airwaves to hurl an endless stream of propaganda in the form of terror warnings, a year’s worth of shallow, meaningless presidential politics and debates and celebrity nonsense instead of serving the public good, which is their mandate. As for Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Glen Beck and their worthless lot, burning in hell would probably not even be pain enough. They’ve polluted the minds of the semi-literate with lies, hated and prejudice for so many years that the damage may be so great that it cannot be undone.

Mainstream newspapers like the NY Times, Washington Post and other major city dailies are already suffering from declining circulation. Let’s save a few trees by reading more online.

Hillary Clinton: Come on, Democrats, you can do better than this. What is she but a neocon dressed up as a liberal? If you want more of the same from Washington, vote for her, but I say flush her with the rest of the garbage.

Health Care Reform: This is such a canard that it’s difficult not to laugh. While most of the democratic candidates favor some form of socialized medicine, the real solution lies in purging the insurance companies and HMOs from the mix. Whatever happened to doctors who made good money - sometimes amassing fortunes - delivering quality care? These days, going to medical school requires a degree in accounting or an MBA so as to equip the fledgling docs with enough paper-shuffling ability to keep pace with the endless flow of forms and regulations that bog down the entire profession. God save us should we ever return to a time when you pay the doctor directly for actual care. What’s next? Socialized lawyers?

This list could go on and on and on, but by now maybe you’ve gotten the point. I could have easily included most of the judicial court system, corporate CEOs, airplane screeners, mega-church ministers, and bureaucrats from every department from education to energy to homeland security, but your time, as well as mine, is limited, so I’ve included only those people and concepts at or near the top of the list.

A couple of decades past, Ross Perot gave us "that giant sucking sound." I am pleased to now offer the cleansing enemetic swoosh.

Rick Gagliano is the publisher of Downtown Magazine and the wildly popular finance blog, Money Daily which exposes Wall Street and Big Government for the collusive fascism it promotes.