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Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger

by : Daniel Patrick Welch
Tuesday February 14, 2006 - 01:43
12 comments
JPEG - 10.9 kb

by Daniel Patrick Welch

Of course, most of you already know I’ve never been the Vice President’s biggest fan. I’ve often confused him with Lon Cheney, and yes, I’ve had him in my sights before...er, so to speak. But I find it unconscionable that the left wing punditocracy is having such unearned fun over Cheney’s unfortunate hunting accident. I mean who is the victim here? The Vice President, who was deprived of the chance to become a marksman through proper training in Vietnam just because he had other priorities? Or some wealthy Texan (a conservative and a lawyer-hello!) who had the bad sense to go on a hunting trip with ol’ Duck! Cheney.

Fun’s fun, but really, come on. We can’t just keep taking pot shots at some poor civil servant who gave up a lucrative position at Halliburton just so he could serve his country by greasing the wheels for no-bid contracts in the same company.

Here he is, working so hard on behalf of the people that he had to spend valuable workdays shopping for a mansion in Maryland while Katrina churned into the Gulf Coast-and people are making jokes at his expense. It just goes to show you that, even if you spend your whole life building up a reputation, it only takes one little slip up for the whole thing to blow up in your face. Well, actually, it blew up in Wittington’s face, I guess. But has anyone ever stopped to ask the tough questions? What was he doing there, dressed like that, at that time of whatever day it turns out to have been, with a Vice President like that? Am I the only one to think he might have wanted it? I mean, I’m not exactly saying he was asking for it; but who goes on a hunting trip with Duck! Cheney? Duh! Everybody knows why Tony Soprano never got into that golf club, if you know what I mean. People who value their own health just aren’t comfortable around violent criminals. Fore!! Where is the so-called press on this?

On the other hand, I guess it’s only thanks to hindsight that we know Cheney’s secure, undisclosed location is pretty much secure only for the Vice President himself. I mean, it was pretty safe for Tony Scalia. He didn’t even have to recuse himself, let alone get shot in the face. And everybody knows the old adage: keep your enemies close, and shoot your friends in the face. Or something like that. And I know everyone says Cheney is an avid hunter. But I can’t seem to picture him traipsing through the brush in his nine hundred dollar Guccis. I keep thinking of that Monty Python bit, where the king has a sort of skeet shooting contraption that launches peasants in the air every time he yells “Pull!”

I just wish the self-appointed left critics wouldn’t always take a scattershot approach to Cheney’s wrongdoing. It could be that it was a simple accident: after all, as Tom Lehrer famously pointed out decades ago, tons of people shoot their friends hunting, easily mistaking them for... “a deer in a bright red hat?” And the self-righteous left goes on and on as if they never shot a friend in the face. We’ve already heard from one right-wing gasbag after another: apparently it happens all the time. We just don’t know because we hate freedom so much; hell, my wife and I don’t even own a gun! And according to Anne Armstrong, on whose honest Republican cloth ranch the incident was belatedly revealed to have taken place, it wasn’t even that big a deal. “He got pretty well peppered,” was all she said of the impudent attorney in Cheney’s line of fire. But I don’t know about that one. I mean, I ate a bowl of ramen last night that was “pretty well peppered,” but neither I nor my soup wound up being flown out for treatment.

And so what if it was or wasn’t an accident? Did anyone ever stop to remember that the Bush cartel hates lawyers that aren’t currently working on a bribery, election theft or war crimes case for them? What ever happened to the other old adage-you know, “a lawyer in the face is worth two birds in the Bush (family something-or-other).” I never can keep those old adages straight. But maybe it was just that: a sort of warning shot across the brow, if you will, for the legal community. I mean, it is 2006 after all, the Bush menagerie is going to have to keep a lot of lawyers in line if they want to stay out of jail. Cheney was probably just doing his hatchet-or, rather, birdshot-job like all dutiful vice presidents; no need to get all happy over it. Maybe he mistook Wittington for Pat Fitzgerald-I’m sure the Vice President knows whose name was on that sealed indictment.

But all these speculative reasons are kind of beating around the Bush, as it were, without taking real aim at the real issues. It may not be about Cheney or Bush themselves, but on behalf of a greater good. Cheney, like most thinking people (and most agree that he, unlike his “boss,” may indeed be a thinking person, even if the thoughts he thinking are always evil ones), must have winced when Bush told an audience of combat troops that “I have an injury too.” Even the Darth Vader of the administration can’t think it’s in good taste to compare a scratch from clearing brush to poor kids being sent to fight his war getting their limbs blown off in Iraq. Maybe, just maybe-but you’d never hear the liberal press say it!-maybe ol’ Duck! was just trying to lend a little more seriousness to the injuries of an elite who is as quick to send others’ kids to die as they are to eschew military service themselves. You want risk? You want danger? You want authentic? How about getting shot in the face! Take that, Fiddy Cent! Of course, it might ring truer if Cheney had shot himself in the face...now that’s legit! And no body armor! Take that, Tom Tolles!

And of course, there is the nonsense about how it took so long for the incident to be reported. Typical left wing “coverup” whining. I’m sure they told everyone who had a need or a right to know. Let’s see, there was Wittington himself, of course, as well as Cheney’s medical team. And let’s not forget Ambassador Strongarm herself. And people are trying to puff it up into some sort of eighteen-hour gap. I’m sure a loyal secretary will appear to explain how she managed to erase that bit of time.

Some criticism does seem on target. I got one email with the following complaint: “I have no health care, and this bastard has an ambulance on call?? We are sooo fucked!” Others were unfazed, echoing the Soprano logic I outlined above: “Hey, if you hang out with gangsters, you’re bound to get shot sooner or later.” It does seem to lack compassion for poor Attorney Wittington, though, and that could be a problem for the Bush House of Cards. If they keep blaming him for his own shooting, he just might pull an Abramoff or a Brownie. Loyalty only goes so far.

Another lesson I think should be drawn here is that, while the whole world may look like it is beginning to crumble around La Cosa Bushstra, fighting truth and justice on so many fronts, it is only fitting that Cheney should prove that the gang can still hit a moving target or two, even if the target is a near-octogenarian. And they have simultaneously proven the old saw of Gary Trudeau’s Duke when he pulled a gun on the NRA president in a bar. “You shouldn’t sneak up on my like that!” Duke warns. “I could have blown you away!” “I’m sorry,” retorts the NRA leader, “that would have been your right.” And Duke agrees, of course: “I know, but I don’t want to get thrown out of here!” There are opportunities here that offer a chance for the right wing to unify its agenda, instead of a shotgun approach to domestic policy, by gaybashing, tax cuts, and sowing fear. Imagine the power of merging the right’s longstanding protection of gun rights (except when the guns in question are held by brown people) with the long-sought goal of Social Security Privatization. Who needs the trust fund: send everyone over 65 on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney! Problem solved. Because at heart, it’s best to return to the simple truths: guns don’t shoot people, Vice Presidents do. Pull!!

© 2006 Daniel Patrick Welch. Reprint permission granted with credit and link to http://danielpwelch.com. Writer, singer, linguist and activist Daniel Patrick Welch lives and writes in Salem, Massachusetts, with his wife, Julia Nambalirwa-Lugudde. Together they run The Greenhouse School (http://www.greenhouseschool.org). Translations of articles are available in over 20 languages. Links to the website are appreciated at danielpwelch.com



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> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Tuesday February 14 - 02:40 - Posted by 7d0c097545d5ba53...

Cheney was also hunting ILLEGALLY. He had not obtained the proper upland game stamp on his license. Think he’ll be charged with anything? Hah....he’s above the law. Nothing willhappen. Even if the guy were to die, nothing will happen.

Hey, it’s government OF the rich, FOR the rich, BY the rich and there’s NOTHING you can do about it. So get over it.




> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Tuesday February 14 - 16:00 - Posted by 45d89ee6e94b1eb9...

Get all the facts before you spout off and sound stupid.

Game stamp was new in this area and consequently since they were unaware of it they only received a citation.



> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Tuesday February 14 - 16:13 - Posted by 7d0c097545d5ba53...

The game stamp was required. PERIOD. Cheney is not exempt from the local laws.

I’m so surprised because he’s had such EXTENSIVE military experience - what with the 5 tours....or was that deferments! He should know how to handle a gun! Then again, the guy was a lawyer. He probably told Cheney the spying scam was illegal.

I was just disappointed it wasn’t the other way around for Cheney.



> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Tuesday February 14 - 19:33 - Posted by 76c3e09500fa5307...

I wonder if they sell stamps for shooting lawyer friends too.



> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Tuesday February 14 - 18:44 - Posted by cdb967372c6c6bde...

And this guy is one step from pushing the button to end the world! Maybe closer than that. I wonder if this could be used to push tougher gun laws-get the guns out of the hands of the people. It would make the Marshall law thing easier....




> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Tuesday February 14 - 21:54 - Posted by ed51bba715be4967...

I believe this statement deserves some more attention.
Maybe he mistook Wittington for Pat Fitzgerald-I’m sure the Vice President knows whose name was on that sealed indictment.




> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Wednesday February 15 - 20:25 - Posted by 45d89ee6e94b1eb9...

Which story is more important:

Al Gore accusing the USA of mistreating Arabs on US soil?

or Dick Cheney delaying the accident announcement?




> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Thursday February 16 - 00:28 - Posted by 45d89ee6e94b1eb9...

(Drudge) FLASHBACK: Dem Leader Reid Hid Stroke News For 3 days...
AP, via Fox News ^ | 2/15/06, 8/19/05 | Drudge, AP

Drudge links to a 8/19/05 AP article, via Fox News:
http://www.drudgereport.com/

WASHINGTON — The Senate Democratic leader, Harry Reid (search) of Nevada, suffered a brief mini-stroke Tuesday, but doctors found no complications and he feels fine, aides said Friday....

Asked why announcement of the event was delayed for three days, Hafen said, "The reason was the tests and the evaluations that they were doing. We wanted to make sure we knew what we were announcing. You need conclusive information."

(Excerpt) Read more at foxnews.com ...




> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Saturday February 18 - 06:48 - Posted by 7d0c097545d5ba53...

I wouldn’t waste my mouse battery on FoxNews. FOX, like DRUDGE is an administration mouthpiece. They love Coulter too. THAT should tell you something.



> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Saturday February 18 - 21:10 - Posted by 2ceb281824e74a35...

Did Harry Reid shoot someone in the face?



> Left all atwitter over Dead Eye Dick’s itchy trigger finger
Thursday February 16 - 12:14 - Posted by ee1a7063350cb642...

An eminently returnable gift: A free weekend of bird shooting with Dick Cheney.




> Left all atwitter over Vice President’s itchy trigger finger
Saturday February 25 - 08:47 - Posted by 6868017cc60aad7f...

In 1999 then Governor George W. Bush appointed Harry Whittington to the Texas Funeral Services Commission (TFSC) which was investigating Services Corporation International (SCI) headed by Bush family friend Robert Waltrip. SCI provides morturay services and was involved in a body dumping scheme at the time Whittington was brought on board with TFSC to participate in the investigation of SCI.

More on circumstances surrounding Whittington’s involvement at TFSC at the following link:
http://www.austinchronicle.com/issu...

SCI was contracted by FEMA to handle morturay services in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina:
http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/prin...







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