The Lighter Side of Fascism - The Neocons Win One

The Lighter Side of Fascism - The Neocons Win One

– http://www.dtmagazine.com

Let’s face it, these guys - the president, Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice, Doug Feith, Bill Kristol, Richard Perle (by the way, have you heard this guy speak lately? Somebody better cut down on his dosage of Zoloft) and the rest of the Republican-Christian-Might-Makes-Right crowd that drags along with them - are a bunch of jerks.

Jerks. Goof-offs. These are the same kind of people many of us remember from high school. They thought they were cool. A lot of the other kids thought they were cool. Basically, the lot of them were barely passing and daydreamed the days away. They had their tight little clique; they always hung out together. None of them were ever alone or part of any group that didn’t already include a few of them.

(An aside here: Personally, I’m a little burnt out from writing heavy doses of anti-Bush rhetoric within the normal bounds of journalistic integrity. I’ve been pondering this piece for some time and I need a break from the stark realities of possibly four more years of Bush and his gang. I’m just going to make fun of them. Hell, they certainly deserve it. And I’m not going to use complete sentences, either. So there!)

Yeah, high school. It’s where all of this bad behavior is rooted. I’ll put money on it that most of these people we now know as the neocons or the administration were part of that fast crowd, the one none of us could ever penetrate - not that we wanted to, but they always acted like they were having so much fun.

So now these clowns run the government. It’s the Peter Principle at it’s finest, i. e., the rise of incompetence. Look at Condoleezza. Now she’s Secretary of State. Has there ever been a less qualified one? Heck, Bush is president. That ought to tell you something.

But these incompetent morons aren’t sneaky or smart or clever. They have money and guns and they’re not afraid to use them. They are, in reality, cowards. They hide behind a huge military, use their friends in the corporate world to do all their dirty work and pay for their excesses and the worst part of it is that the corporate blowhards are just stupid enough to play along. They get to go to the parties with the cool kids. It’s high school all over again!

Now part of this article reads "The Neocons Win One," so I’d better get to that before two of the three people reading this get bored and click off. What I’m talking about is the election in Iraq this past Sunday. We have to chalk that one up as a win for the neocons. They got out the vote after all, and they claimed 72%... er, 56% turn out and let the propagandists loose with the "Freedom on the March" nonsesne and all that and the terrorists killed only 50 or so people, and there were 216 separate incidents of terror, which made it, by some accounts, the most widespread day of terror for the insurgency (the other side) since we invaded - I mean liberated - Iran, no Iraq, well some Middle East country.

So, OK, it wasn’t really as big a win as the neocons would like us to believe, but even the worst hitter on a baseball team, usually the pitcher, gets a hit now and then, so that’s why I make the point that they got themselves a win.

The situation is like a blowout baseball game. The "insurgents" are winning something like 19-4, and up comes Cheney in the bottom of the eighth with one out and he magically lines a single to center, raising his batting average to .089. It’s a little victory for him. Of course, he gets picked off first before the next pitch.

Now, some of you will say, "hey, wait a minute, these neocons have been winning all along." The president won in 2000, he got his tax cuts, we got Osama... we didn’t?, well, we got Saddam, we started the war, he won again in 2004, we found all those WMDs..."

Again, let me take you back to baseball. All that other stuff you mention which you think were wins for the neocons - and they think are wins - are going to go down in the record books as tainted, just like Barry Bonds’ steroid-induced home runs. Sure Bonds hit 73 home runs a couple of years ago. But he cheated. Just like the neocons.

2000 election? Cheated, appointed by the gutless Supreme Court. Tax cuts? You know how easy it is to cut taxes in this country? Just take a look at your pay-stub. See all those deductions. Reduce a few of them by 5% and you’ll be an American hero. OK, that’s maybe a win. Maybe.

Invading Iraq? Lied to the American public to do so. WMDs? Come on. Saddam? Big deal! Where’s Osama?

All those things are going to have big asterisks and footnotes appended to them, just like Barry Bonds’ home runs. I think Bonds is a neocon, too. Maybe he should run for governor of California!

So, they got themselves a win here in Iraq with this election. The worst part of it is that Bush and company didn’t want elections, but the Shiite clerics in Iraq did and Bush’s people caved. They’re taking credit for an election - the results of which can hardly be legitimate because nobody knows who is counting the votes - which wasn’t even their idea. How typical. Like those same kids in high school getting 90s on their history exams when they were all cheating off the same smart guy’s paper.

But I’ll let them have their win, for now, if it makes them feel good. The president has to have something to talk about tomorrow night in his State of the Union speech, so I guess I’d rather have him blather on about freedom and democracy in Iraq than what he and his gang have planned for US next. Surprise us, Mr. president. Don’t tell us, just do it!

These people really are jerks. They’re also out of control with their seized power. The real villains are the people on Capitol Hill, the snidely Republicans and the wimpy Democrats who together have sold us down the river by not kicking these neocons out long ago.

And the neocons are about as incompetent a bunch of make-believe "leaders" since the Third Reich. I’m sure Hitler and his bunch were equally inept. Hey, who won World War II? Morons really, they are. Want proof? How about 9/11? How about the president’s famous "mission accomplished" line, before the real war started in Iraq? How about year after year of obscenely huge budget deficits? AND HOW ABOUT ALL THEM WMDs? Huh? How about them?

These people are so misguided, inept and stupid that they didn’t even have the wherewithal to plant some nukes or vials of poison in the vast deserts of Iraq. I mean they have the mainstream media all snookered up to them. Planting a few bombs would have been easy. Too easy.

People ask me why I dislike the president and his gang so much and whether I’m afraid that if they really are fascists, they’ll come and get me.

Well, I tell them that the president is not really the president, he’s an impostor and that makes anybody who works for him equally an impostor. And if they are fascists (they really are) and they come and get me, well, they can have me. Put a bullet right between my eyes because I’m certainly not going to any of their torture chambers.

At least after I’m gone some people will say, "hey, that guy may not have been the brightest bulb in the fridge, but he stood up for what he believed in." It’s a Superman thing, you know, "truth justice and the American Way."

I think I’ll take a nap. Wake me up when it’s over.

The author, Rick Gagliano, is a shameless self-promoter and publisher of Downtown Magazine, http://www.dtmagazine.com who occasionally has lapses of lucidity.