Democrats Outraged at Kerry’s Moronic Mistakes (-:Fiction:-)

Cleveland, OH- John Kerry had a tough day at this afternoon’s rally in downtown Cleveland. In typical Kerry style he was endlessly repeating W is for wrong and how Bush did it wrong and he would try to do better, but then things began to get interesting. It all started with Kerry telling a story about how ’people like him’ can never make decisions, that’s why he likes those restaurants where the cook makes the same meal for everyone. One guy muttered out loud, "Bush calls him an indecisive waffler so he comes up with this story- what the f$#% ?!" This caused quite a stir among the crowd, people were looking around, as if asking, "how did this guy sweep the primaries?"

Kerry then started in on his bellicose warmongering section of the speech, where he claims he’ll get 40,000 more troops in the Army- but not for Iraq- and how he’s "going to get the terrorists before they get us". This caused a young lady near me to whisper, "whatever happened to peace on earth?"

The final straw came after Kerry repeated the absurd statement that he would have gone to Iraq anyway, even knowing that there were no WMDs. A member of the audience blurted out, "what the f%#@ ?" Then someone else, "Yeah, what a load of bull$%*# !"

This opened the floodgates, people were shouting all sorts of things at Kerry, mostly insults like, "No wonder you’re losing, you are a moron!" and "My Dog could beat Bush, what’s your problem Kerry?!"

Kerry appeared stunned, like a pompous ass in utter disbelief that the little people did not love him. A staffer started blasting ’Celebration’ on the sound system but this only drew more ire from the crowd. They started hurling things toward the stage- burgers, sodas, anything they could get their hands on.

Kerry’s aide Marvin ran up to shield Kerry with a jacket, but was just a little too late as Kerry was pelted by a few of Cleveland’s finest kielbasas. A few acute observers noticed that after Kerry escaped, Marvin came back and scooped up an armful of the sausages.

Things were not settling down, people were riled up and they wanted some answers. One guy hopped up stage and started talking about the war and the shameless looting of our treasury, in 30 seconds he had the crowding roaring- something Kerry couldn’t do during the 20 minutes before the uprising.

Bruce Springsteen’s "No Surrender" was blaring now, but the word ’No’ had been conspicuously removed. People were taking turns on stage, an older lady ranted about health care for profit. A teenager wanted to know about Kerry’s stand on the draft. A blue collar guy turned towards where Kerry was hiding backstage, "Hey Kerry, if the International Court wants to try Bush for war crimes, will you send him, or will you protect your old Skull and Boner pal?"

About then I noticed one of those weird noises we heard at the DNC- you remember the one- a loud droning buzz that would fade up real loud, linger for a bit then fade out. About a dozen people feebly raised their ’Stronger America’ signs and chanted, "Kerry, Kerry, Kerry", but they stopped short when they saw a sea of angry faces ready to pummel them.

The guy whose initial comment started all the grumbling was on stage now. He spoke loud and clear to the crowd, "A great man once said, ’What we seek is Peace, Not just for Americans, but for all men and women, Not just peace for our time, but Peace for all time.’ We know this is possible people, but not with morons like Bush and Kerry launching premptive wars while refusing to consider changing US Foreign Policy. We all know that we want Bush out, but Kerry is so friggin bad that he’s going to lose! How can he possibly think that saying ’he would’ve gone anyway’ is a bright idea? Either he’s incompetent or he’s throwing it! We need a new candidate, someone who speaks the truth, not ridiculous platitudes" Then he led the crowd in a chant, "What do we want- Peace, When do we want it, Now! Peace Now, Peace Now"

The crowd was roaring "Peace Now Peace Now", every single person was belting it out, it was an unbelieveable display of passion. The crowd started to sway and the chant picked up a musical rhythm, and still they tirelessly chanted ’Peace Now’ with minor variations thrown in.

The Kerry camp tried to sneak off towards the campaign bus, but they were spotted and had to make a run for it. Kerry and Edwards took off leaving their wives hobbling behind on their high heels, while Marvin still had the armful of sausages. Somehow the site of these millionaires running at full speed, with Marvin following behind trying not to drop his sausages was the funniest thing we’d ever seen. The entire crowd stopped chasing them as we broke down laughing. After a good five minutes of side-splitting laughter, we cleared the tears from our eyes and looked around. The campaign bus was gone, but we didn’t care.

It’s like it dawned on all of us at once, then a little girl spoke it, "They weren’t real people were they Mom, they seemed like silly cartoon characters."
"You’re right," said the Mom, "They weren’t real at all."