Donald H. Dumbfuck

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Donald H. Dumbfuck
Eddie Tews
June 04, 2005

A while back, Donald H. Rumsfeld said that he couldn’t "imagine why Venezuela needs 100,000 AK-47s". He may or may not have figured that one out yet, but there’s a new problem for him to puzzle over:

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said today that the rapid development of China’s missile capabilities, air force, and navy put Asia’s military balance at risk, and that the Pentagon believes Beijing’s buildup has been far more extensive than its leaders have admitted.

In his most blunt assessment to-date about the global implications of China’s efforts to build a state-of-the-art arsenal, Rumsfeld warned that the expansion threatens not only the delicate situation between China and Taiwan but also the strategic equilibrium in a region increasingly vital to U.S. interests. [...]

"China appears to be expanding its missile forces, allowing them to reach targets in many areas of the world, not just the Pacific region, while also expanding its missile capabilities here in the region," Rumsfeld said. "Since no nation threatens China, one must wonder: Why this growing investment?"

Why indeed? It couldn’t have anything to do with the Bush Doctrine’s promise to act military against any threat to the "strategic equilibrium" enabling a certain unnamed nation to account for half of World military expenditures and to consume 24% of the World’s resources despite holding within its borders only 5% of the World’s population? It couldn’t have anything to do with a certain unnamed nation’s bumbling attempts to seize control of the World’s most fertile oil fields?

Here’s a question: why is the region — located half a world away — "vital to U.S. interests"? What would be Dumbfuck’s reaction if the Chinese were to bitch and moan about the United States’ military arsenal, on the grounds that the Western hemisphere is vital to Chinese interests?

Donald H. Dumbfuck did let slip, though, with an interesting tidbit (as he sometimes will):

"Do you truly believe that China is under no threat whatsoever from any part of the world?" the director of the Chinese Foreign Ministry’s Asian Bureau] asked. "And do you truly believe that the United States feels threatened by the so-called emergence of China?"

Rumsfeld replied that he knew of no nations that threaten China, and that the United States does not itself feel threatened by China’s growing power.

So, China — whose military is "the only one being developed anywhere in the world today that is specifically configured to fight the United States of America", whose growing ties to Russia and Iran are a fairly overt countermeasure to U.S. unilateralism, and which could in theory eviscerate the U.S. economy at any time of its choosing — does not pose a threat to the United States. But Iraq — which had been military and economically devastated by the first Gulf War and the decade of sanctions — did pose a threat to the United States’ very existence?

Well, Donald H. Dumbfuck is a lot more intelligent than us proles, so, even though that sounds kinda weird, it’s probably best not to question the son of a bitch.