A Mother’s View of War

A Mother’s View
By Susan Handle Terbay of Dayton, Ohio

Over four years ago when the President decided it was more important to invade Iraq than it was to pursue the group that attacked us on 9/11. I spoke out about it. I couldn’t grasp the whole meaning of attacking a nation that didn’t attack us and nothing and no one convinced me that was a good idea. Unfortunately my son was called up to go and help invade the country of Iraq. And I held my breath and prayed so hard that this was not going to happen but it did and with tears I sobbed over the phone as I said good-bye to my son and he told me, ‘It’s okay mom, I’m a soldier.’

I sat clued to the television days on end. I watched in horror the unfolding of the war. I cried openly for those soldiers who died and for their families and yet secretly relieved that it wasn’t my son who died or our family grieving. I am torn with such horrific feelings. My heart is literally in my throat the whole time my son was in Iraq. There was a knot in my stomach and I found myself holding my breath every time the phone would ring or I would see a huge bombing in Iraq.

My son is now back again – for the third time; this time Afghanistan. He has a family, wife and two little ones. He missed the birth of his first child while he was in Iraq and then missed a year of her life when she was two and now will miss another year of her life and her brother’s. This doesn’t even take into consideration his wife and her facing the challenges of life alone while her husband is in a war zone.

I watch my son change over the years. Changed because he has seen things none of us really want to know about or experience. He has been asked to go back to hell three times. Slowly a part of my son is eroding and I can’t stop it. I cannot nourish him any more and I cannot protect him any more. I love him and will fight for him as he fights for me. As with the time during my labor of giving life to my children I had to ‘breathe’ to push them out, all I can do now is ‘breathe’ and with every breath speak out and try and help stop this madness that we have allowed our soldiers, our sons and daughters to be led into with no end in sight. I want to breathe life – not death.

I am a mother of a soldier. I love my son with all my heart and all my soul. I would die for my son. I pray that my words will give life for my son and my children and their children. It is a fine line to walk, to protest an unjust war and to support the men and women in it. Mothers have learned to walk many a fine line and I find myself supported by other women who too are mothers, who too know the feeling of one’s heart in their throats and the knot in their stomach and the moments of holding their breath and praying every night for the safe return of their child. My son is not a robot nor an android, he and our soldiers are human beings. This administration has abused and used them unmercifully and I refuse to remain silent.

This administration continues to state that if we leave now it will speak of failure. What is their definition of failure? We were told there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Our soldiers went into Iraq searched and did not find them. Mission Accomplished. We were told we had to take a vicious dictator, Saddam Hussein, out of power. Our soldiers went into Iraq searched and found him and took him out of power. Mission Accomplished. We were told to help the Iraqis form their own democratic government. Our soldiers guarded and protected the citizens as they went out and voted for the first time for their own government. Mission Accomplished.

Our men and women have done everything possible and more that was asked of them over and over and over again. They have given their blood, their sweat, their tears and some even their very lives to achieve great feats of accomplishment and it is time now to honor them for their Missions Accomplished and bring them home not through abandoning or cut and run but changing the course.

The President recently once again stated that a time deadline would hurt our troops. His refusal to accept a limit to length of USA engagement in Iraq war means that my grandchildren, and other soldier’s children, will not see their daddies or mommies for a long, long time or, perhaps never again. The deployment times have become longer and the time between deployments shorter. Family values and families first are just catch phrases for this administration and certainly does not include our troops and their families.

At one point this past spring our military were being asked to build walls to keep people separated. Our country worked for years to take down the Berlin wall in Germany. Our military sons and daughters have given up so much for the freedom of a foreign country; yet one frantic solution to the chaos was about separating people of ethnic differences instead of diplomatically aiding them to find peace.

Before anyone condemns a person for supporting the return home of our troops, ask if they have a loved one in the military. As the mother of a soldier, who is serving his country in war, I find it ironic to be accused of not being a patriot, of not being a true American, of being a defeatist and being anti support for the troops because I believe that it is time to end USA military action in Iraq. What kind of a society permits their citizens to be repeatedly used and abused and thrown into the fires of hell? I would be less than an American and certainly less than a mother if I ignored and turned my back to such abuse.