Home > Exclusive! Sharon moves, passes gas!
Wolf "Zionist" Blitzer reports from Sharon’s death bed:
In an exclusive from CNN, we can report that Ariel Sharon, man of peace and courage, has moved, however slightly, resulting in his passing of gas. The stench, fowl and noxious, had apparently been stagnating inside his rectum since the end of Hannukah. Contrary to Jewish tradition, doctors report it smelled of rotten pork, a dirty animal Jews of religious faith are prohibited from eating.
The cloud of flatulence is the first sign that Sharon, having suffered a massive heart attack a week ago, might be on the mend. It is reported that his gassy coma was sent to Earth by God himself, that psychotic and vengeance-filled entity of the human race, because of displeasure in Sharon separating the chosen people’s land.
In granting the indigenous population the hellhole called Gaza, while stealing more of the West Bank for its greedy European-Jewish settlers, Sharon enraged God, suffering the full might of Biblical proportions. It is believed Sharon has, for the time being, escaped the fires of Hell he has secured in his afterlife for his war crimes, mass murders and the apartheid-like collective punishment of Palestinians.
Stay tuned for every single happenstance incurred by the leader of Israel, CNN’s beloved and most cherished nation. Stay with us for every single act of flatulence, every single snore, every single bowel movement.
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